I am a doer, right? Let’s do, do, do, do something.
When I see it, when it is done, good.
Then it’s time to do something else.
I am a thinker, right?
No.
I just imagine this, envisage that
I smile and laugh at the images in my head
The stories in my head make me angry
I cry, weep, sob and shiver in fright
As the internal plots unfold
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When I was in New York, my mom told me that people have different sides to them. She told me that it takes a while to know people. I had only 10 days in New York. I became friends with two people. I was really happy to be with them. I think of them fondly.
I am working now. In my work place, I sit beside a friend of mine who does Aikido and who looks like my cousin, Baskhin. So here, I’ll call him Baskhin. Baskhin is a contemplative person. He sits near the fireplace and gazes into the fire introspectively. The world around him disappears and I don’t know what he’s contemplating about. Baskhin has travelled to many places. He’s not afraid to ask questions, in fact he asks a lot of questions. He doesn’t ask dumb questions and he doesn’t ask his questions in any condescending way. I guess Baskhin is a truth seeker. Baskhin speaks his mind and doesn’t mind spending more time to explain things better to someone. Baskhin does bonsai.
Today, my French friend told me that it was hard for Baskhin to be separated from his girlfriend who’s studying in Oxford. They see each other every weekend but it’s still hard for them and they are a beautiful couple. I said to her, he seems to be fine. She said he doesn’t show his emotions.
When she told me that, I felt sad that Baskhin is hurting inside. Now I am still affected by it. I didn’t know Baskhin hides his feelings. I guess I never thought about it. And when I do think about it now, I think I’m mainly a unidimensional person. My mom said people have many sides. I don’t think I have that many. I just have my honest side and my passive aggressive side, LOL.
Being made slightly aware about how complex people are, I guess I feel a little sad, a little afraid, a little stupid. Somehow, I also feel life is more beautiful now, people are more beautiful now. Their complexity and pain and sadness and distance and disguises and masks and all that, somehow it’s beautiful.
I’m just a kid, you know. Even though I’ve lived for 22 years, I think I’m still learning the basics. I’m like, in the handicapped mentally disadvantaged class, LOL. Please be patient with me.
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I forgot to say this.
If people are that complex, then maybe the friendship I have with them is a pretty shallow friendship. If I don’t really know who they are, if they are hiding many things from me (or I’m just too blind to see them), then how friends are we.
Once I told my mom that I didn’t have any friends, that I’m not good at making friends. Maybe this is one of the reason: I don’t really know people, and I underestimate their complexity and accept what is on the surface or the limited things I see as who people mainly are.
Anyway, my mom told me that the Prophet PBUH had said, “If I had a friend, I would choose Abu Bakr and Umar as my friends.” She said to me what does this mean. She said only Allah is your friend. My current understanding is that we have a relationship with Allah at all times, with His different Names and Qualities, manifested in different people, moment by moment. So don’t get stuck on the form. Well Allah, I’m glad today You taught me a little tiny weensy eensy bit about how more complex you are than I had originally imagined with my stupid ignorant highly limited brain. Nihaha.
BIG LOVE FOR YOU ALL! 
