so…..

i think god is having a great time teasing me and testing me and stretching me.

a few weeks ago, maybe two weeks ago before i sprained my wrist, maybe even before that, when i was really really having a lot of fun with silat, i felt a bit worried. i didn’t wanna get attached to silat, you know. so i told god, “dear god, if you take silat from me, i won’t complain. because i’ll love you no matter what!” so i remembered those words again and again. and i told myself that i was doing silat only because of orders. i am a soldier. i have a master and i obey him. if he takes something away from me, no worries, it was never fucking mine to start with! so i won’t complain.

then i sprained my right wrist. because of stupidity and foolishness and youth and….. other possibly more important reasons which i won’t mention here (i.e. misplaced LOVE!), i couldn’t go to class. new orders came. i was BANNED….. temporarily. not only from silat class but from my silat instructors’ house, which i used to frequent almost every week. and then i was also banned from visiting my friends’ houses. and then i was told to get a life and find friends of my own age group, instead of hanging out with my teachers (i.e. old people).

okay. i did it. i walked 7 fucking hours a day for one week exploring bloody london, going to one cultural place to another festival to a musical to some other random event, trying desperately to get a life. internally i was battling my selfishness and rebellion and other guilt trips. my friends continued their progress in silat. this time silat class was kinda special cos it was ramadhan so they were doing some mega bonding sessions what with the breaking fast together and whatever while i was a lone adventurer trying to make the most of my london time out magazine.

and then i was saying, no i won’t complain. i will enjoy my free time. i won’t cry like i did the first time i was banned from silat. nuuuuu.

and then today, they had a grading run. one hour before the grading run, my commander called me just to make sure i don’t turn up to the run. it was kinda funny to be honest. anyway, so they ran. and then i also found out they actually graded up to green belts from white belts.

sugee.

maji?

wow.

okay…………….

hmmmm.

i won’t complain. i won’t cry. i won’t rebel. i will accept. i promised you. i’ll show you how much i love you!!!!!!!!