Konshuu

On Wednesday, I got an invitation and I was really happy. It was something I had really wanted. Thursday morning, I knew I had to give it up because I had internal confirmation that I should. They all looked angry so I had to give it up. It was very painful but I had to give it up. So I gave it up internally but it didn’t mean I wasn’t upset. On Thursday evening, the invitation matter was discussed. It turned out that it hasn’t been checked with our teacher. So I said let’s check it with our teacher (and inside me I said, and let’s have it rejected). I didn’t want it to be rejected. But it’s not important to listen to myself.

Then at the end of the evening, we asked our teacher and he said yes. Our teacher also scolded me about something else. I felt very bad. When we all parted, I cried and cried. On Saturday, we met again. And I asked about the invitation and I was really looking forward to it. But it turned out that our teacher had changed his answer to a no. He said to postpone it. But he didn’t say until when. And that was it.

Lend me something, take it back, lend me something and take it back again.

Ie ni arukinagara, naiteta.

I wish……. I wish you could throw away all these desires. I wish….. I could give them all up more easily. Please…… make it easier for me.

Boku wa tada no gaki da. Otona ni naritain dakedo, jikan ga kakaru……Sono toki made, boku no te wo hanasanaide….. hitori ni shinaide…… hoka no michi ga nai kara, hoka no basho mo nai kara……

what i should have said to you

yes, i was confused. i didn’t know what to do. i didn’t know whether to trust you.

yes, i didn’t trust you. i had to check if i could trust you. because you know i’m too scared to trust. because you know i didn’t want to be on her bad side. because you know i’m too busy looking after my own back, that if you get into trouble, it’s not as bad as my getting into trouble. i cared only after myself.

this is me, honest. and when i’m honest, i know you won’t like me. i guess i wanted you to like me, even if i care more about myself than i care about you.

but you can see through me anyway.

i’m sorry; i don’t want to be a coward anymore. i’m sorry.

There are four causes of infidelity and loss of belief in God:

Hankering after whims, a passion to dispute every argument, deviation from truth, and dissension;

because whoever hankers after whims does not incline towards truth; whoever keeps on disputing every argument on account of his ignorance, will always remain blind to truth, whoever deviates from truth because of ignorance, will always take good for evil and evil for good and he will always remain intoxicated with misguidance. And whoever makes a breach with God and His Messenger. his path becomes difficult, his affairs will become complicated and his way to salvation will be uncertain.

Similarly, doubt has also four aspects absurd reasoning; fear; vacillation and hesitation; and unreasonable surrender to infidelity, because one who has accustomed himself to unreasonable and absurd discussions will never see the Light of Truth and will always live in the darkness of ignorance. One who is afraid to face facts will always turn away from ultimate reality, one who allows doubts and uncertainties to vacillate him will always be under the control of Satan and one who surrenders himself to infidelity accepts damnation in both the worlds.

Hazrat Ali ibn Abu Talib (may Allah Be pleased with him)